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~ journal ~ ---
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I have disappeared from deviantart since last summer, and I am very sorry. I feel bad about just up and leaving with no explanation. I will be coming back, but not for a little while still, I have a lot of things to sort out.
First off, my motivation for both personal work and University work had been waning for quite a while. This was something that I have desperately been trying to work on with not much luck.
But in July I took a major step backwards when my dog became very ill, she started getting very thin even though she was eating. The vets said she had diabetes, but the insulin injections didn't work, and she still got thinner and thinner, and then she stopped eating too. She gradually went completely blind also. They decided she had Cushings syndrome, meaning the insulin wouldn't work, so she had to take tablets for that too. But it still didn't work. So in August she had to be put down. I was right there next to her the whole time, it was awful.
I decided that when starting the new year of University in October I would force my self to be much more motivated and basically ignore everything else. It didn't work too well though, and I feel that the first semester went terribly.
Over the past year I have been extremely worried about my Grandmother also. She has Chronic Lymphocitic Leukaemia, and has to have chemotherapy and blood transfusions on a regular basis. However it was my Grandfather that passed away first. He had basically completely given up, and I dont know why. He wouldn't eat or drink anything, even when he was in hospital. It seemed like he started to get better, but after they moved him to a less high dependancy ward it all went down hill. They sent him home after about a month of him refusing to help himself. They couldn't do anything for him. He died at home 5 weeks ago.
What's scary is that I have been to 3 funerals and 1 death in the past 12 months. My Step Father's dad, my boyfriends Grandmother, my dog, and my own Grandfather have all died one after another.
I hope that everyone can understand that it's impossible to be motivated in the slightest to do anything at all when everyone around me is dying.
I have a lot of personal things to sort out, and a lot of University work to try and complete. I will be back. But not right now...
I am not looking for anyones sympathy or for anyone to pity me. I am sorry if you may feel I have shared too much. But I just wanted to give a full and truthful explanation to all of the friends I had suddenly left here on deviantart.
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